there's an app for that

My new favortie app:  insight timer.

I'm the one who has yoga teaching anxiety dreams where I demo a restorative pose, stay there and fall asleep, and wake up 45 minutes later and the whole class is still there staring at me.

I don't use this app in my classes, but I use it in my practice.  Especially if I set myself up in a restorative pose and have a class coming in (see above).  That way I can concentrate on my breathing instead of wondering how long I have been there.  And, hey, I'm not perfect, I fall asleep sometimes and I like knowing that I won't be living out my stress dreams.

I also use it for my meditation practice.  Same reasons apply.  That way I can go deep and not freak out about how long I have been there.

There are different sounds to choose from.  You can have a starting bell, delayed even; interval bells, to bring you back; and ending bells.  It is simple to choose bells and times.  Plus, it keeps track of your practice.

And, in this world of social media, one of my favorite parts is that the home screen displays how many people are meditating at that moment.  It is a wonderfully comforting thought that other people are practicing "with" me.

writing as a practice

I'm not sure I've ever taken a good look at my writing as a practice.  It is a part of my yoga practice.  I always have a notebook by my mat because good stuff comes from a focussed mind.

But, off the mat, my writing practice looks a lot less composed.  It looks a lot like my meditation practice.  Lots of tears.

Ahem.  Sounds lovely, huh?

Let me explain.

I don't usually write around people.  I have to be by myself.  It doesn't necessarily have to be quiet, but I can't have interruptions and I can't have people see me.  Much like my meditation practice.  I never really knew why.

Today I am at a local coffee shop filled with people and have come to the realization of how messy my writing practice is.  In a way I've never noticed.  But, people can see me and that makes me more aware of what it is that I'm doing.

This is what my writing practice looks like:

• three beverages and a gulp from one after every sentence or so
• blank staring into space
• and the tears, oh my 

I think I knew that I cried when I wrote.  I also cry when I meditate (seriously, fountains of tears.  if i "fake" meditate...no tears.  that's my tell.).  I never knew how much until today when I am writing in front of people.  It isn't heaving sobs.  But, it is teary and snotty.  What a mess.  

Isn't learning about yourself a funny business?

yoga teacher confessions 1.24.12

Teaching vs. Leading

I am a very baby yoga teacher.  In August it will be four years.  

And, in teaching yoga, as with any new thing I do, I get frustrated that I'm a beginner.  That I don't have 30 years of practice under my belt.  That I don't have 20 years of teaching under my belt.  That I haven't been to India a dozen times and don't have a Sanskrit "name".  In fact, I'm fairly certain that I won't make it to India in this lifetime.  And, I'm very certain that my teachers, or myself for that matter, are not going to call me Babs Shakti Shanti. Ever.  And, even if I went to India and got dysentery from the Ganga, and even if I had been a student of yoga for 50 years...there would still be that class I taught that would be my FIRST class.  I would still be a baby teacher.

We all have to start somewhere and I started my teaching journey at gyms. I look back at that time with sincere fondness.  And, often, sincere embarrassment.  I find it amazing that I still have students from that time.  It is the time that I refer to as "leading" yoga classes.  You know, that teacher who never makes it off her mat, never looks up, never teaches to the physicality of the room, never deviates from The Plan?  Ya, that was me.  Honestly, that is still me a lot of the time.  

But, as my journey unfolds, I find myself off the mat more.  I don't do many assists, but I do verbal assists.  I have my eye on every body in the room.  I make a point to be kind, to be humorous, to be real.  To never single someone out or call someone out.  After three and a half years, I find that I am actually teaching.  And that I have more enthusiasm about yoga now than I ever did.  

That enthusiasm and optimism that comes from being new at something.  Bright, shiny, and new.  

I want to be that teacher 50 years from now.  

coffee

I've never had a coffee maker.  Only a French press.  I love French press coffee, but when you have company, it takes time to make a lot of coffee that way.  

So for the new kitchen I got an actual 10 cup coffee maker.

 

I was so excited to use it that for a couple of weeks I forgot to pace myself...I was drinking 8 cups...jitter, jitter, jitter.  I'm a one cup of joe type of gal.

That one perfect cup.  

My friend gave me her Fireside Coffee mix for Christmas.  I think you're supposed to just add water, but I've been putting a spoonful of it in my, once again, one cup of coffee.  And some cream.  A very nice way to start out this snowy, cold day.  

Asides:

• I often have students who complain about not sleeping well.  The very first thing I ask them is when their last 32 oz starbuckles was...if it is after noon, it is likely to be ruining your nights.  My tip (I know it is hard, that two o'clock cuppa is sooooo tempting): don't drink coffee after noon.  And, maybe don't drink an entire pot of coffee in the morning...ahem.
• Speaking of the kitchen.  I am in looooove.  Totally worth waiting for.  Especially the part that held us up the longest: the countertops.  Stainless steel.  I don't think I'd ever want anything else.  There is a reason restaurants have them.  They take a total beating and clean up easy.  I mean beets, pomegranates, turmeric all just wipe up.  

restorative heaven

That is what I've decided to call this pose.  In the cold, dark yin of winter, my tired, cranky, sluggish body craves some laying on bolsters time.  

Lately, I've been dedicating 20 minutes a day to this pose.  You need silence, darkness, warmth and comfort...plus the actual time to let your nervous system shift for an especially delicious restorative pose.  I follow this pose with a 10-20 minute sit depending on how effective restorative heaven was in shutting my mind the fuck up.

The set up:

You will need:

• mat
• block
• bolster
• strap
• 2 blankets
• eye bag

Putting it together:

• mat perpendicular to the wall
• block on its lowest height (baby bear) about a foot from the wall
• bolster on the block, bolster will be at an angle
• short tri-fold blanket against the bolster (long edge parallel with the wall)
• long tri-fold blanket perpendicular to the short tri-fold (perpendicular to the wall)
• strap looped
• eyebag at the ready

Saddling Up:

• hips on the short tri-fold
• legs up the angled bolster
• back along the long tri-fold
• belt looped around the thighs
• pull the bolster to the bum, you want it to touch so you have full support
• tighten the strap around the thighs so the inner thighs can "let go"
• eyebag on the brow (most eyebags are really heavy, so to avoid smashing my corneas, I place them at the third eye and then press down, like I'm closing the third eye)
• arms wherever is comfortable for you.  I like my arms a little higher than savasana arms so that I get that very gentle chest opening.

I like to give very thorough instructions in prop laden restorative poses.  Personally, if I don't have detailed instructions, my mind doesn't "drop" and I just worry about my set-up...gah.

Confused on blanket folding?  All folds are from blankie tadasana.  Here is Cora with Blanket folding 101.

deeper and deeper

Over a decade or so of practice, it is constantly changing, even if that change is slow.  When I first came to yoga, it was about figuring out the poses.  The teacher would say Warrior I and I would just melt in confusion until I saw what everyone else was doing.  Or the time it took to get the flow and breath of a vinyasa and to do it with control instead of hyperventilating and throwing myself on the floor and then struggling back to down dog.

Then came the breath.  At first it was all asana and just when I thought I might get bored, I discovered and began to understand the nuances of the breath and how that informed the physical postures.  I'm still discovering more and more about the breath and how it can actually create space and not only change my asanas but my mind.

There I was: asana and breath.  Then I wanted the BIG poses.  The challenge poses.  The arm balances and the pretzel stuff.  Fuck subtlety.  I wanted flashy.  The yoga I refer to as bar trick yoga.  Cause really, this is the point, after a couple of beers, you are willing to show off what you can do (this still happens on occassion, my competitive side be damned).

Then came physical exhaustion and the actual ache of your practice.  Of a practice that is supposed to make you feel better, but all that pushing and striving for the big ones has your body crushed and crashed and wrecked.  Add to this physical exhaustion a month long teacher training where the body does asana for 7 hours a day, sits in excruciating meditation for 3 hours a day, and aches in general because it hasn't sat in a chair for three weeks. This is how I found restorative yoga, through complete and utter exhaustion.

Then came the energy of being a new teacher, wanting to succeed, wanting to teach, and really doing anything to make that happen.  It's familiar, right?  Fifteen classes a week to get experience and get your foot in the door...then came the little studio and all of the struggles that come with it beyond the yoga and the teaching.

Now is the real love (and need) of restorative yoga.  Now is a return to the subtlety.  It isn't about standing on my hands with my feet on my head (although, I'm still working toward that, yet it is no longer that manic, unfocussed energy that comes with that first bout of going for the BIG ones!), it is more about the breath, the space, the stillness, the simple yet impossible feat of spreading the toes...

We get so obsessed with what yoga is and what yoga should be, that we forget it is a journey that leads us to that place.  And as with any journey, you have to start somewhere.

finally!

I took the week off between Christmas and New Year's with the intention of doing a deep (deeeeeep) clean of the studio and perhaps painting the creepy back room.  

This did not happen.  I didn't even make it to the studio that week.  And, I was a little pissy about it.

I decided to offer the winter Sunday afternoon gentle yoga class, but I didn't want to do that class unless I had enough props for everyone.  While it isn't usually a full on restorative class, I do like to have options for students in savasana and just having a blanket to put over the mat can totally change that pose.

I buckled down and ordered new props.  New bolsters, blocks, straps, mats, and blankets.  Now I actually have enough for everyone, which is huge.

Then I ordered the massive "prop" cart to house them all.

And, finally, yesterday, I got my day in the studio to deep clean, scrub the floors, wash trim, clean the bathroom, and, the fuuuuuun part, put the props in their new home.

Bit, bit BDY is beginning to look like a "real" yoga studio.